A Confession

Broadway Avenue Panhandler

Misery gazed through beer-stained blur,

Despair in faded jeans;

enslaved by his habit, his outstretched claw

beseeched me donate to his cause.

A ghost begged another ride on his addiction.

His wretchedness reached out and slapped me lonely;

the squalid secrets of his torment

displayed like a porno movie.

An apparition of journey’s end,

the destination of choices not chosen.

His shabby figure beckons me consider –

Where is my port of call?

He shuffled his approach with eyes lurking despondent,

reached out shabby sleeves to accept my oblation    

then clutching the prize to his chest

two-stepped back to his prerogative.

~ Annette Gagliardi

Broadway Avenue Panhandler, Won 3^rd place National Prize in Eber & Wein Publishing 2010. Published in “Eternal Heartland: Interstate 20”, John T. Eber, St. Managing Editor, Ever & Wein Publishing, 2010. Published in “Today’s Best Poets”, 2013. Betty Cummins Starr-Joyal Editor & Publisher, Poetry Fest Press. Published in “Editor’s Choice Award” 2013, Poetry Fest Press. Published in The Moccasin, Vol LXXXI, LOMP, 2018.

I was in the Target parking lot today, putting my purchases in the back of my car, when a man on a bicycle came up and asked me for “any spare dollars”.  He looked pretty scruffy, and with his dingy face-mask dangling off one ear, looked less-than-threatening. He looked less like a bandit than I did because I was wearing my face mask from ear to ear.

I was stunned and a bit taken aback, to be asked for money while shopping. I thought there was a law that panhandlers couldn’t pandle in store parking lots. I think they are getting bolder— or more desperate.

As I got into my car and drove away, I couldn’t help thinking about the brief incident. I thought about calling Target and reporting that panhandlers were accosting customers in the parking lot.  I felt affronted; I felt pursued. I had spent my hard-earned money on food and household supplies and was going about my business when I was interrupted and asked to give away what little I had left.

            This is an aside: I had spent more than I intended, because now-a-days, we all spend more than we intend, every time we make a purchase. (Or maybe you are the only one who doesn’t.)  I am appalled at how very much things cost these days—except gasoline seems to be cheaper.  I was feeling a bit robbed by Target and their high prices, which is the same high prices every store offers, so it isn’t just Target.

That being said, I felt offended that he would assume I had any dollars left to spare after just coming out of Target with bags in hand. I felt insulted that he would be so bold as to come into the parking lot right up to where my car was parked and deign to talk to me; to invite himself to ask me for my hard-earned dollars.  “Steal from the rich, give to the poor” – aka Robin Hood.

In addition, I rationalized, we should give our money to the agencies that help the homeless instead of to panhandlers, in order to help them in a less self-destructive way as Linda Bennett-Graves tell us in “Counterpoint: Your dollars at the exits are not doing panhandlers any favors” She says that handing out money to panhandlers can be detrimental to their health – especially during Minnesota winters.

Yet, I wasn’t thinking about any of that rational when I spoke to this man. I was just feeling interrupted and affronted at his intrusion. And, I was working up a pretty good self-righteous “mad” about the incident.

You are absolutely right. I had not one ounce of compassion for this man.

I have spent years giving to the homeless, sharing my resources in a variety of ways: volunteering (time and sewn projects, jellies and baked goods), benefit dinners, drawings, silent auctions, raffles, Girl Scout cookies, Boy Scout Xmas Trees  & wreaths, Facebook causes. My husband & I have served meals at Mary’s Place & at St. Steven’s Loaves & Fishes. I baked desserts for years for the homeless shelter, before they decided home-baked goods were too dangerous to be served. So, on the drive home, I felt justified in saying “I’m sorry, no.” to this man.

I had been civil. I had been regretful—yet, I had not even given him the time of day. I had said ‘no’ and dismissed him. Even if I didn’t plan to give him money, I could have looked him in the eye and smiled. I could have taken a brief moment longer to show him I recognized him as human being.

It has been a couple years since I have contemplated how we treat the homeless. The homeless and those who panhandle, reside in two separate boxes in my brain, with more compassion offered to the homeless than to panhandlers. I have read and heard that many panhandlers make thirty to forty thousand dollars and live in nice homes. I have read that these people panhandle instead of getting a “real” job – asking for money is their job.  Of course, we never know if the person who asks us for money is really in need, or is one of these interlopers who don’t deserve to be given the money we have worked hard for—And if those who pan-handle for a living don’t actually deserve our handout.

The news articles I site below all suggest we focus our generosity toward those agencies helping he homeless, instead of handing dollars out our car windows.

I spent years as a teacher, discussing this issue with my students, never coming to any real conclusion. There was a time I kept apples in my car to hand out to panhandlers. Then a student who was a social worker said many homeless don’t have teeth and prefer bananas, which they can eat. I couldn’t see keeping bananas in my car, as they spoil so quickly. It seems, this is an issue I can continually think about, and perhaps my response is supposed to change over time.

Later, after I had digested the incident, I prayed that that man was not Jesus in disguise.  How we treat even those who interrupt us in a parking lot, speaks about who we are.  Where is my moral compass when I am offended by someone asking for help? What happened to my Christianity as I brushed him off and dismissed his need? 

I actually did have a couple real dollars in my wallet. I was not too afraid of him to stop a minute and pay attention to his need. But I felt he did not deserve my hard-earned money. I made a judgement based on my busy-ness; my forward-moving-task-oriented mission instead of seeing a person in front of me-whether I gave him money or not.

Perhaps I will get another chance to show my humanity to my fellow human being. I pray that, if I do get another chance, my behavior reflects a better person.

Resources:

“Is Minneapolis’ Begging Law Doomed?”  by Marshall H. Tanick, Dec. 31 2015Mpls. Star Tribune at: http://bitly.ws/9DCV

“Alms at the exit? A shift in my street-corner strategy” by Bill Boegeman, Star Tribune, Dec. 18, 2015. At: http://bitly.ws/9DCW

“Counterpoint: Your dollars at the exits are not doing panhandlers any favors” by Linda Bennett-Graves, Dec. 22, 2025, Star Tribune at: http://bitly.ws/9DCY

“Police: This is why you shouldn’t give money to panhandlers” Author: WTSP, Published: 7:29 PM CDT July 27, 2017, Updated: 4:58 PM CDT July 28, 2017 . At: http://bitly.ws/9DD2

“Does Panhandling provide a Living?”  in Research Highlights No. 19 July 2007.