Murder For Tea
I’m planning a tea party
for next Saturday and even now, as I sit
writing the invitations, it feels
obscene. — On TV, I watch the war
in our cities and towns —
one man against another,
neighbors shooting and
looting; throwing rocks through
car windows — and why? For what?
I go out to the garden and
pluck the nasturtiums for
my salad, the pansies for tea
tarts. I smell the garden’s
earth turned over;
it’s black insides falling
like ropes of intestines
from a mud corpse whose flesh
feeds my crops.
I wish we could stop
the killing. I wonder how I can
be so audacious as to plan
a party when small children
are being murdered in our streets
and the bloodied soil blazes
with vulgarities of one man
against another.
by Annette Gagliardi
*This poem among others is included in my new chapbook, titled Caffeinated, published through the Island of Wak Wak, 2024.
September 13th, 2024, was National Blame Someone Else Day (I kid you not!) I blame myself, even though it could be easy to blame others. I think we are all to blame in one way or another.
I’m not sure if I can make myself clear or not, because some emotions are tangled in such a web it is impossible to decipher. Still, I’m game to attempt, so here it is.
The poem (above) is my sorrow and guilt talking. How can I be happy? How can I plan for fun and frivolity even as (I KNOW) others are suffering? “It’s not my fault” is a lame excuse.
I do care that others suffer. I do abhor war and killing, wanton destruction and violence that divides one man against another. I cannot stand to hear about one more crazy gunman shooting up a school or concert. It’s such incredible savagery. The enormity of wantonly shooting others who are innocent — even if they are not innocent — I just cannot comprehend. I don’t know what to do to stop the shooting. And I don’t know what I would do in a situation where a gunman was shooting up my school or classroom. — There but for the grace of God.
I practice cooperation and kindness. I am generous and thoughtful most of the time. (aren’t we all?) But I don’t’ think that is enough to get me off the hook. How do I make my life count for the good? Does acting in a positive way give me the right to just forget about the suffering going on in the world as I sit down to a nice meal and great conversation with family and friends?
Still, what can one person in America do that will help someone whose home is destroyed in Ukraine? What about the civilians in Russia whose homes have been destroyed? Are we not sorry for them as well? We blame the leaders, but what do we who live so far away, do to stop the war?
For me, supporting environmental health is a worthy cause and one I can readily advocate for. The destruction that wars create really harms the environment for years to come, not to mention the cost to lives and urban landscapes. It’s harder to figure out how to support Ukraine, but I can be assured that American officials are working on it. Maybe my support is in trusting those same officials to work on the problems. Still, in America – this democracy calls on me to write letters, perhaps march or demonstrate to show support for the cause. (I write letters to the editors, but they seldom get published.)
I find it mystifying that Americans blame President Biden for the war in Gaza. How is our president to blame for a war between two countries, not even on our same continent? I don’t get it. Plus, the president is really in a no-win situation, with Israeli and Palestinian nationals living in America. How can he support both sides? Many people blame the president as if placing blame will make matters better, but in fact, it makes the issues more volatile and matters worse.
In America, we are free to voice our political opinions and to demonstrate even when we take issue with what the government is doing. That is what democracy is about. And many demonstrators are exercising their right to demonstrate on behalf on one side or the other. In fact, both sides are demonstrating. However, the destruction of buildings or any part of our city is not necessary.
My conundrum is a two-tiered issue. On one level, the national and world-wide events that we hear about and deal with in our society, mean that we who live in a democracy must step up and raise our voices against violence, war and degradation. We must step up and support peaceful initiatives, give human aide as much as we can to help those in war-torn countries. Our world is no longer individual countries for themselves. What one country does affects others. We do need to act for the good of the whole. That means we need to make some kind of effort to help those refugees who are fleeing from war-torn countries. I know. ‘Those people’ bring their poverty, their neediness, their own languages and foods and smells to our neighborhoods. Many of us blame one side or the other of our government, but we were all refugees at one point. (Your own parents or grandparents possibly – look it up.) There are so many, and it’s hard to know how to help. Many of these new immigrants have journeyed through ‘hell and high water’ to get to a free country where they won’t be persecuted or killed. That means, I should not add to the problem. It means I need to help them, or at least respect them enough not to denigrate nor impinge them.
On another level, I have friends and relatives who are ill with one disease or another. They are truly suffering, either at home or in the hospital. Some are home-bound and others are in a care facility. It seems like, there are so many suffering with so much. Some days I feel guilty for being healthy. I feel guilty for planning a dinner party or some other celebration, when I know these folks can’t even make it up the steps to my house.
Is it audacious to party while others lie dying? Recently, I was visiting a good friend in the hospital, who has stage four cancer and in quite an amount of pain. But as I and another woman visited with her, we laughed so much! We laughed about all the tubes attached to her, her medications and her ‘new hair-do’. Well, I blame her. My friend was the one to point these things out and say how silly it all was and we agreed it was amusing. Later I wondered if we were being sacrilegious, but I think the laughter was healing for the patient as well as visitors. There will be time to weep after she has passed. And I do want to have good talks and happy conversation while my friend is still with us. Making her laugh makes me feel good as well — just to see her smile.
Mary Pipler, in her book, Women Rowing North suggests that these multi-leveled emotions can exist at the same time and that our resilience will pull us along, perhaps not making the emotions easier, but getting us through each phase of our lives. She suggests we need these more pleasant times to bolster us and to renew so we can continue to give care to those around us.
In the Bible, in Matthew 9:15,Jesus says, “Can the attendants of the bridechamber mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom shall be taken from them, and then shall they fast”
I suppose you will say, cut yourself some slack, and I agree to do that. Yet, it is worth remembering those who suffer even as we get a chance to bask in life’s goodness. I guess, I will be grateful for the good times and do my best to share the wealth of benevolence where and when I can. Juggling more than one emotion at a time – I’m getting better at it.
Resources
- Women Rowing North, by Mary Pipher, Bloomsbury Publishing, 2019.
- Bibleref at: https://www.bibleref.com/Matthew/9/Matthew-9-15.html#:~:text=ESV%20And%20Jesus%20said%20to,and%20then%20they%20will%20fast.